Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Where I'm At: Krista

 photo whereImat-1.jpg Dear Bloom! readers, 

It’s been awhile since I’ve actually sat down with a cup of coffee beside me, humming to some hymn instrumental while I get to write an update on how God is constantly molding this stubborn old clay that is me.

I’m back in school taking some certificate courses for my teaching. I worked a year in a Christian preschool and almost got to stay with them, but God did a reroute and is teaching me once again the value of waiting in Him with a glad heart. Of course, that is so much easier said than done. This is the part where I get really thankful that Christ keeps working in my heart, because without Him, I truly will just be a big, hot mess. I am currently working partly with toddlers for some days of the week and I also get to do some receptionist work for the preschool on campus. To be honest, I wouldn’t pick two year olds as a class I’d be in, because a lot of people discuss the concept of "terrible twos", but God has taught me so much about childlike faith, having security in Him and running to Him with joy. The humbling thing about this is He has used tiny children in pull-ups to teach me this lesson every day.

Being left in a preschool is such a scary thing for a child, especially during their first few weeks. It’s a new, unfamiliar environment with sort of fun but strange adults. Plus, they have to struggle with that feeling that mommy and daddy are not around and cannot be seen, felt or heard at all. Having gone through a really tough trial four months ago, I felt like a newbie preschooler with an unknown destination and future, and having those troubling thoughts of fear of the unknown, doubting that He sees me or feels my emotions and all those icky feelings. God was really teaching me to rely on Him other than relying on other things that are temporary and not eternal. He was teaching me to rely on His character and His good name, and be rest assured that, He does love me.

The other hard thing I’ve had to battle is expectations, be it my own or others. I’ve been so tempted to compare myself with where other people are at: the places they’ve traveled, the family they’ve started, the career they’ve entered and built on, etc. It is very foolish and it was very me. It is such a daily battle to remind myself that I was created to glorify God and that His kingdom comes first. His thoughts and ways are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9) and are eternal. At the root of all this was a man-made fear, that somehow, He has forgotten and overlooked me. I wanted to meet up with King David over a cup of tea and discuss how bad this feeling was; because, yes my mind knows how wide His love is for us (Eph. 3:14-21), but my heart wasn’t cooperating a little bit. The Psalms, Job and Jeremiah were important books to me in this season and God used a lot of those verses to reassure me and help realign my heart with His.

Just like Psalm 34:1-5 says, "I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together! I sought the Lord and he answered me and delivered me from my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."

It may be an icky feeling, but when we pray and run towards God with our icky feelings, He does make something great with it. He teaches us a lesson and He revives our heart in the process as well. It is a hope that can keep us secure no matter how hard this life does get, knowing that everything works together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Among other things, I am currently applying for graduate school and hoping to get into a field related to educational research. I would love to be able to reach out to children this way, knowing that it is a harvest field as well as other fields. Also, I’m currently getting evaluated as I teach the twos by the county I work at (daunting!) and I am a full-time student as well. In terms of hobbies, I am still getting hooked on quilting and have started learning how do quilt designs on quilts that I make. It is a prayer that I get to use the quilts to share the Gospel to others and also use it as a source of encouragement and reminder to keep our hope on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).

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