Faithful

It is 11:30 at night. I look at the clock and sigh; I should start getting ready for bed. My exhaustion presses around me like the darkness outside. And my to-do list doesn’t make things any better.

I feel like a failure.

Instead of a glorious line of checks, there are only a few scattered ones. The paper that seemed so innocent this morning now glares up at me, a blatant reminder of all I have left undone. I fight against the tears that threaten my eyes, but it’s late at night and thus battles are futile. “It’s not even like I worked hard whenever I could but was gone all day or helping Mom or something,” I whimper. “I just…wasted…so much time. I procrastinated. And now look what I’ve done!” Now I really feel like a failure.

I brush the list onto the floor, and discover the slip of paper that had been under it. “Only God gets his to-do list done every day,” reads the quote from C.J. Mahaney. And it’s true, of course, and sort of comforting. But it’s also a nagging reminder that while He’s always faithful, I’m not.

I’m reminded of this a lot, actually, because there are many nights when I feel I haven’t worked as I should. I love this bit from the Book of Common Prayer’s “Confession of Sin” that prays, “We confess we have sinned against You…by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.” I love this, perhaps because it doesn’t always occur to me to ask forgiveness for what I haven’t done – be it a kindness or my schoolwork or so many other things. And on these days when I look at my list, realize all I haven’t done, and feel like a failure, I realize just how human I really am.

I am not God. I am a finite creature – and I will fail sometimes. Failing, of course, is different from declaring myself a failure: that is a lie, although one I am prone to struggle with when I’m tired. Yet it is precisely my failures and faithlessness that makes me more grateful for God. The world is not on my shoulders – it’s on His. And He is perfectly faithful in running it.

Faithful. What does that mean, anyway? It took me awhile to discover that it meant something other than “sticking to your to-do list” or “working diligently”. Yet it actually means “trustworthy.” No doubt a diligent worker is also a trustworthy one, but when the Bible talks about God’s faithfulness, it really means I can trust Him.

I can trust that He is working in my life even when I’m tired and feel like I’ve ruined everything; I can trust in His promises when life is difficult and I’m surrounded by shadows. I used to wonder to myself, “I know the Bible says I can trust God, and I know I can trust him completely with my head…but sometimes that message never gets through to my heart. How can I know He’ll come through on His promises? I haven’t seen it firsthand.”

Yet I realized something this year, as the nativities and ornaments and packages surrounded me on Christmas. God’s ultimate promise was redemption; His ultimate promise was that He would send Jesus, a Messiah, a Savior. And if I know that He did that, than I can trust Him to come through on every one of His other promises. In sending Jesus, He proved once and for all that He is perfectly faithful and perfectly trustworthy.

And that is comforting to me, even as I’m frustrated over my own lack of diligence. No amount of faithlessness on my part could ever change His faithfulness to me. Nothing I do could ever mess up God’s plans. And if He is perfectly trustworthy, than that means He will also come through on His promise to forgive me.

That is perhaps the greatest promise ever made. And that makes me grateful, even when it’s 11:30 at night.

Friday Footprints

Here's a peek of where we've been on the web this week:

• The Faith of Our Mothers

This is a fabulous article by Elrena Evans on Fanny Crosby, the blind lady who wrote over 8,000 hymns.

• Highly Rated Hospitality (part 1)

• Hospitality Equation (part 2)

Hospitality is something that I used to believe was for married women with gigantic houses and large, open backyards. However, I have been finding out over the last few years that this conception of hospitality is far from accurate! Check out GirlTalk's series on hospitality - it's something that I think many of us may not be too familiar with.

The Comforter in Hard Times

What do you say to someone who just lost their job?

Or how can you encourage a family whose house just burnt down to the ground?

Or how can you comfort a young couple whose infant just died while sleeping?

I personally know people who have just recently gone through each of these circumstances. I felt badly, but I didn’t know what to say or do or how to comfort them. Besides the little I could say or do, I discovered a few things things:

- I can pray. Prayer is a powerful thing and oftentimes the best thing I can do to help someone who is hurting, is to lift them up in prayer to the Father.

- Jesus knows whatever hurt someone is going through. In Psalms 34:18 it says that “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”. While I may not necessarily understand what it is like to lose a job, Jesus knows their pain. And He hurts with them and longs to comfort and heal their wounds.

- Sometimes a person who is hurting simply needs a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Ask the Lord to help you be alert to situations that He puts you in where you might be able to encourage someone.

- Another encouraging thing to do is send a little card saying that you’re praying for them (and make sure that you really are!) and let them know that you feel for them. You never know the difference a card can make in a person’s life when they are going through a difficult time! I have personally been on the receiving end of this one, and let me tell you, it was a tremendous comfort and encouragement to me.

That being said, if there is anyone in your life right now who is going through a hard time, take some time to really pray for that individual and to encourage them. And let them know that their Heavenly Father is there, too, as the greatest Comforter ever.

Friday Footprints

A trace of where we’ve been on the web this week:

Set Apart Girl Online Magazine
I always receive much encouragement from Leslie Ludy's online magazine. The Lord especially used the article "The Author of True Romance" by a fifteen year old named Rebecca to remind me of His love and that He has perfect plans for my life. Make sure to check it out!

Beauty From the Heart's Modesty Check
This is a great resource to remind us to make sure our wardrobe is modest and God-honoring.

Do Hard Things Study Guide
Another great resource for those of you who own the book "Do Hard Things". The questions are very helpful and thought-provoking. They'd work great in a group setting, with a friend, or by yourself. And another great thing about the study guide is that it's free!

Chivalry and Feminism

A smiling elderly man held the door for me and it brightened my day.

Why?

It’s not that I couldn’t open the door myself. I could. So why did I appreciate it? Because he took the time, as a gentleman, to serve me. His kindness in deferring to me was clearly evident and it had a profound impact on me.

But I didn’t always appreciate it when gentlemen offered to help me out. When I was younger, I fell into the trap of “Oh, I don’t want to inconvenience you, and really, it’s not that heavy, so I’m good”. I fell into that kind of feminism mindset that I shouldn’t allow a gentleman to carry a box of supplies for me or open the door to the store. That I’m big and strong and I can do it myself. And while it’s true that I can do it myself most of the time, check out what Brett Harris from The Rebelution wrote in his five part series titled “When Lancelot Comes Riding” back in 2006:

The result is that most people have a completely wrong view of what chivalry represents. They think it’s all about men being stronger and better, and about women being too weak and too fragile to carry boxes or open doors. The result has been an environment extremely hostile to chivalry and the gradual elimination of gentlemen from our midst.

And it’s true. That is precisely what I thought. Our culture pushes this feminist approach on us and we begin to accept it. Eventually we believe it’s true – that women should definitely not accept any offers of help from men.

This kind of gentlemanly chivalry has been rapidly disappearing. Part of the reason is because the women and girls are pushing it away as if it were a poisonous snake. But Brett goes on to describe it as an offer of service:

You see, there is no offense in humbly offering to serve someone. Just like there’s no offense in lovingly giving someone a gift. If men and women can embrace an accurate understanding of the unspoken message of chivalry, gentlemen and their gifts will thrive.

I strongly encourage you to go read the five part series. It is time that we, as young women, allow the gentlemen the opportunity to serve. Sometimes it may not be easy. Sometimes you may have to give small hints such as, “Would you open the door, please?” or “If you would carry this carton for me, that would be a big help!”. But even if you have to hint, you’re still encouraging your Brothers in Christ to be gentlemen.

And if you’re wondering if it’s a good thing for men to be gentlemen, just think about Jesus. He was the greatest gentleman that ever lived.

The Mirror

The other morning as I was dutifully brushing my teeth, I looked in the mirror and realized that I couldn’t see myself very well. The mirror was dirty and I had neglected to clean it for awhile. Thus, when I tried to see my face, the dirt of the mirror got in the way. Instead of my whole face, I saw dust and spots in areas and only glimpses of my face in between.

Immediately I grabbed a cloth and some cleaner and began scrubbing the mirror. As I was doing so, I thought, “Isn’t this how it is in my life? Sometimes I have sin and distraction in my life which blocks others from seeing Christ in my life. Then God shows me my problems and I allow Him to “scrub” the grime of sin and the muddle distraction away.”

I’m like my bathroom mirror that morning. God is the Cleaner and He sees problems in my heart and gently points them out just like I saw the grime on the mirror and realized I couldn’t see clearly. Then, with my permission, He begins to “scrub” away my sins. Pretty soon, just like my squeaky clean mirror, my heart is also squeaky clean – cleansed with the blood of Christ.

So today, just consider that maybe you’re like my mirror and need a bit of cleaning. Ask the Lord to forgive you of any sin that may be blocking others from seeing Jesus in your life. Then, as you give Him permission, He’ll make you “whiter than snow” (Psalm 51:7b). Praise God that He sent Jesus as a sacrifice for our sins – for without the blood of Jesus, we would have eternal damnation. But to those of us who are God's born-again children, we have the hope of eternal life. Let us join the Psalmist in proclaiming, “O Lord, open my lips, that my mouth may declare Your praise” (Psalm 51:15).

He knows me. And loves me anyway.

It's classic Megan. Look, God, I'm starting this Bible study. Look, God, I'm reading this deep theological book. Look, God, at how I'm serving. Aren't you proud? Aren't you impressed?

Sometimes I forget He already knows everything about me. I try to start at the beginning and color my image so He is sure to see my best qualities and ignore the others. I get caught up in that awkward-beginning-friendship-mode, where I analyze and overevaluate myself to figure out how I'm coming across to the other person, and perhaps try to tamper down my overly-enthusiastic side and only reveal the most perfect parts of me. (It's not something I'm particularly proud of).

Have you ever noticed the difference in the way you act, or feel, between those new friends and your family? It's not always flattering, but I know that with my sister I can argue with her. I can be silly, I can be loud, or I can sulk. Obviously I shouldn't always do or be these things, but I know I have the freedom to be myself. She knows all my faults already; I don't have to walk on eggshells trying to hide them. And she loves and accepts me anyway.

Have you realized that it's the same way with God? Sometimes I forget. Psalm 139 begins with, "O Lord, You have searched me and You know me...You are familiar with all my ways." Of course it sounds obvious to say this, but He does know everything about me. He knows my faults, my weaknesses, my pride; He knows my gifts, what I'm struggling with, and the emotions I can't make sense of. He knows me and understands me far better than I know myself.

And yet, He loves me.

Have you ever felt, If someone really knew me, they wouldn't like me? If they knew my faults...my sins...my struggles...the parts of me that aren't pretty, the parts that are messy...they'd realize that I'm just a pretender, and I don't measure up, and they would hate me?

I have.

But of course, none of us measures up. We all have our weaknesses, our messy parts, and our sins. We probably spend most of our life pretending to the rest of the world that we have it together, so no one ever discovers us and disowns us.

Yet there is someone who knows everything - even the parts we refuse to admit to ourselves, or the parts we don't know yet. The secrets and shame that we've never told anyone - He knows them too.

And He loves us. Not a dutiful, yes-I-love-you-because-I'm-supposed-to kind, but the I like you so much I love you kind. The I love you so much I gave my life to ransom you, to win you back, so you could spend eternity with me. The kind of love - and even liking - we don't believe could be possible if that person really knew all of our dark and dirty spots.

But God loves us anyway. And even more, no matter what we do or don't do in this life, no matter how much we think we've botched it up - we can never, ever lose His love.

No one knows us better than He does. And no one will ever love us more.

Something to think about.

In His grace,

Megan